By Sarah Miranda

People were told to practice social distancing and they didn’t. In order to stop the spread of this virus, lockdowns are rolling out across the country. The lockdown rule is simple:

Stay the fuck home.

There aren’t enough medical professionals nor supplies nor hospital beds to get everyone treated. Medical professionals are making the heart-rending triage choice to leave people to drown in their own sputum. Would you want that for yourself or your loved ones? No? Then:

Stay the fuck home.

We are on track to reach Italy’s levels because people in the US are ignoring common sense. Right now the reproductive number is about 3, which means before you realize that you’re sick you will infect 3 people. You may be asymptomatic. You may not be. To prevent this:

Stay the fuck home.

This isn’t about “oh, it’s like the flu”. People who keep spouting that are misinformed at best. Ignore them. We have an out-of-control virus without the infrastructure to handle it. In order to triage the populace sufficiently, there needs to be something in place to combat the spread of this virus. And we have that silver bullet:

Stay the fuck home.

Buy a gift certificate over the phone from your favorite local business; spend it once this is all over.
Video chat with friends; make it a group chat and play “never have I ever”.
Take a virtual tour of a museum; for once you won’t forget your umbrella at the coat check.
Look up everything your local library has to offer online for free: Movies, ebooks, access to paywall newspapers.
Ask your friends for their gaming usernames; play without mercy.
Learn a new language; bitch multilingually.
Teach yourself a new skill; needlepoint is cathartic stabbing.
Start a digital TTRPG campaign; you’re finally all available at once.
Write that script/opera/novel you’ve never had the time for; you have the time now.

Stay the fuck home.

Be exceedingly kind to anyone delivering anything to you right now. They are putting themselves and their housemates in harm’s way. Appreciate them. Thank them. Tip them more than you’ve ever tipped before.

Above all else:

Stay.
The.
Fuck.
Home.